Another Crazy Freak Bike Spotted In JP

Me thinks there are some SCUL members about in JP, as this awesome tandem, chopper, monstrosity attests to. I would love to try to both pilot this thing, and also try to ride on that second seat, both seem like they would be a challenge.

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Wow…Old Man Goes Crazy Tries To Kill A Bunch Of People With His Lexus

I honestly can’t say what exactly would be done to solve this problem, but holy shit people are too attached to their cars. From the Brookline Patch.

Police say Robert Nicosia, 66, sped through the park from the Jamiacaway to Pond Avenue, driving over grass and flower beds and weaving through trees at a time when the park was filled with people enjoying the warm Saturday afternoon.

The first officer on the scene reportedly tried to stop Nicosia as he sped along a paved walking path, but Nicosia reportedly pulled onto the grass and wove through several trees before going over the curb and driving down the wrong side of Pond Avenue. The officer reported that Nicosia appeared to be trying to strike a bicyclist that was fleeing him, but the cyclist was apparently able to stop short of the vehicle and turn around. (Read the rest here)

Seems that old man crazy driver got his mirror knocked off by a cyclists when they had a spat about the right of way. Now lets just assume for a while that the guy in a Lexus wasn’t being a total dangerous asshole and actually had the right of way, lets also assume that the cyclists was totally nuts and out of line and did smash his mirror off. No amount of smashing of property justifies driving your car up onto the sidewalk and potentially into large groups of pedestrians.

Can someone help to explain to me this puzzle. Some small subset of drivers seem to have no problem with hitting you with their car, but get really really really upset when you smack their car to let them know how close they are to smashing into you. Its like “I hit you that’s fine, you tap my car to avoid having me run you over…CRAZY!!!” If they were really worried about getting dents in their car wouldn’t they want to avoid running into you in the first place? Hitting me with your car will put a significantly larger dent in your car than my hand giving your window a gentle rap to let you know you are about to run me over, so chill the fuck out.

I think we can say several things about this situation. One, be polite. Two, don’t get in fights. Three, don’t damage each other or each others property. Four, don’t freak the fuck out and try to kill a bunch innocent bystanders with your Lexus. Five, you aren’t going to catch cyclists, they are fast.

What Mr. Nicosia did catch was a whole lot of trouble from the law.

He was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, operating to endanger, disorderly conduct, trespassing, restricted way violation and marked lane violation.

Wow….just wow…

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Feats Of Daring Do, The Fourth Of July

Holy crap…I just got home. I don’t think I have every been so glad I am a good urban rider than I was tonight. Literally these are the obstacles I overcame to get home tonight.

A sea of broken beer bottles in the road.
People shooting fireworks AT ME.
A never ending parade of drivers doing everything they want and nothing they should.
The parade of humanity spilling forth drunkenly into the streets with nary a care in the world.
The closing of multiple bridges (and the using of them anyway).
Drunk drivers/pedestrians/bicyclists.
People out on bikes with no lights and no helmets.
People driving cars with no lights on.
One guy tried to grab me and give me a hug.
The heat.
And a million more things that flew by too quickly to register.

It was pretty awesome. I mean that in like the “part the red seas” kind of awesome, not the like “bro awesome!” kind of awesome. I know this city can be rough but I never have seen it like this. I was out riding when the Red Sox won the world series and it wasn’t like this. That was more of a string of rolling high fives, this…this was like war.

I can’t fathom why everyone DROVE A CAR to see the fireworks. It’s hard enough getting around this town normally, throw in explosives and cars full of sleepy children ready to get home, and its impossible.

I can honestly say the several miles I traveled down the heart of the city tonight were some of the craziest I have every had the pleasure of pedaling. It was a wild time, and I had a blast.

Do you have any bike and fourth related feats of daring do?

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Are You Serious!: Two One Act Plays

In what is quickly becoming a series around here (see here and here) I present to you two more “plays in one act”

Play one: The Morning Ride

Scene: Our main character is track standing at a red light waiting for it to change.

Actors:
bike guy (played by me)
guy in truck (played by moron in truck)

Dialog:

guy in truck: Honk Honk Honk! Truck pulls up to the right of the biker, clearly demonstrating that he had enough room to make a right hand turn. “Get out of the road ass hole!”

bike guy: *thinks to himself what the hell is wrong with this guy* “Fuck you asshole!”

guy in truck: jumps out of truck displaying his pasty girth to the world and the fact that he has no coat on “What you want to say that to my face!”

bike guy: *couldn’t give a crap about some pasty fat guy, continues to track stand, distain dripping from his voice* “Yea why don’t you come over here and knock me of my bike, that would prove you are a real man, I am following the law man get over it.”

guy in truck: *seems suddenly terrified to be out of his truck* “yea well I am following the law too!”

guy in truck: *gets back in truck and makes his right hand turn*

bike guy: *continues to track stand in the exact same spot he has been for the whole time, when the light turns green he drives off*

And…scene.

Seriously I have no idea what this guys problem was, he had the room to make a right hand turn, he made the right hand turn eventually, he was all tough in his truck, but got seriously spooked once he got out and saw that he didn’t scare me…some people are a mystery to me.

Play two: The Evening Ride:

Scene:
Coming down a huge hill our intrepid hero is determined to get home asap cause of the brutal ball frosting cold. When in front of him a Chinese fire drill that would make the clowns at the circus proud disgorges what seems like millions of tiny white children from a shitty Honda on both sides of the road. There are two rows of parked cars to either side. The light is green, and cars are backing up behind the car.

Actors:
bike guy (played by me)
stupid lady (played by a stupid lady)

Dialog:

bike guy: (in his nicest voice) Excuse me mam, that is a very dangerous thing to do, your children could be struck by someone.

stupid lady: Why don’t you mind your own business, and go ride your fucking bike and mind your own fucking business!

bike guy: thinks to himself “what the fuck, I even said mam, this bitch’s little cracker spawn are going to be my business when I put the front of my bike through one of her little inbred foreheads”

bike guy: mutters just loud enough for stupid lady to here “stop breeding”

stupid lady: herds her vast loin product into the house where they will undoubtedly be raised to think that mom is a hero and that it is the world that is wrong.

And…scene.

I was being so sweetly nice to this lady, I slowed way down, I called her mam, I was just trying to help her not get her kids run over, and she was such a bitch that I suddenly felt much less good will towards her. I actually regret that I was mean to her, but good lord she was a raging bitch for what was essentially her own damn fault. I just hope that one of her little food depositories doesn’t door someone playing that “stop in the street and let everyone out” game.

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Riding A Fixed Gear Across The Entire Country

This is the new trailer for the award winning documentary, “Adventures For the Cure” These crazy bastards rode fixed gear bicycles across the entire country to raise money and awareness about diabetes. Pretty crazy, apparently the worst thing you have to watch out for is freakin dogs.

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