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Your Bad Driving Is The Reason Why Traffic Is So Bad

Written by Boston Biker on Sep 04

The main reason we have too much traffic, is because we have too many people driving cars…but it also has a lot to to do with the fact that people are horrible at driving.

Want a simple way to make your life a lot better? Stop driving your car to work!

Also, don’t blame cyclists we are speeding you up, not slowing you down.

Besides all the mental anguish people suffer from driving cars, there is the very real and very serious threat of climate change. It’s long past time when you could just close your eyes and do nothing, make your life better, make everyone’s life better, ride a bike!


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Are You Serious!: Two One Act Plays

Written by Boston Biker on Jan 15

In what is quickly becoming a series around here (see here and here) I present to you two more “plays in one act”

Play one: The Morning Ride

Scene: Our main character is track standing at a red light waiting for it to change.

Actors:
bike guy (played by me)
guy in truck (played by moron in truck)

Dialog:

guy in truck: Honk Honk Honk! Truck pulls up to the right of the biker, clearly demonstrating that he had enough room to make a right hand turn. “Get out of the road ass hole!”

bike guy: *thinks to himself what the hell is wrong with this guy* “Fuck you asshole!”

guy in truck: jumps out of truck displaying his pasty girth to the world and the fact that he has no coat on “What you want to say that to my face!”

bike guy: *couldn’t give a crap about some pasty fat guy, continues to track stand, distain dripping from his voice* “Yea why don’t you come over here and knock me of my bike, that would prove you are a real man, I am following the law man get over it.”

guy in truck: *seems suddenly terrified to be out of his truck* “yea well I am following the law too!”

guy in truck: *gets back in truck and makes his right hand turn*

bike guy: *continues to track stand in the exact same spot he has been for the whole time, when the light turns green he drives off*

And…scene.

Seriously I have no idea what this guys problem was, he had the room to make a right hand turn, he made the right hand turn eventually, he was all tough in his truck, but got seriously spooked once he got out and saw that he didn’t scare me…some people are a mystery to me.

Play two: The Evening Ride:

Scene:
Coming down a huge hill our intrepid hero is determined to get home asap cause of the brutal ball frosting cold. When in front of him a Chinese fire drill that would make the clowns at the circus proud disgorges what seems like millions of tiny white children from a shitty Honda on both sides of the road. There are two rows of parked cars to either side. The light is green, and cars are backing up behind the car.

Actors:
bike guy (played by me)
stupid lady (played by a stupid lady)

Dialog:

bike guy: (in his nicest voice) Excuse me mam, that is a very dangerous thing to do, your children could be struck by someone.

stupid lady: Why don’t you mind your own business, and go ride your fucking bike and mind your own fucking business!

bike guy: thinks to himself “what the fuck, I even said mam, this bitch’s little cracker spawn are going to be my business when I put the front of my bike through one of her little inbred foreheads”

bike guy: mutters just loud enough for stupid lady to here “stop breeding”

stupid lady: herds her vast loin product into the house where they will undoubtedly be raised to think that mom is a hero and that it is the world that is wrong.

And…scene.

I was being so sweetly nice to this lady, I slowed way down, I called her mam, I was just trying to help her not get her kids run over, and she was such a bitch that I suddenly felt much less good will towards her. I actually regret that I was mean to her, but good lord she was a raging bitch for what was essentially her own damn fault. I just hope that one of her little food depositories doesn’t door someone playing that “stop in the street and let everyone out” game.


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The Word On The Street

  • RSS Here is what people are saying

    • Very Complicated Tribal Wolf Vinyl Decal February 22, 2018
      You ever just do something to see if you can?  That’s what this vinyl decal was about. Just wanted to see how complicated a decal I could cut out, as well as how patient I could be while weeding it. Designed and put into great cut. Starting the cutting process It took a long time… […]
      Boston Biker
    • Quincy Is Co-Hosting Traffic Skills Cycling Course With MassBike February 8, 2018
      TweetFrom the email: Hello Quincyclists, I would like to announce that Quincy is co-hosting a League of American Bicyclists’ Smart Cycling Traffic Skills 101 class on April 7 and 8. Please join us! Register here: http://www.massbike.org/ts101quincy This Traffic Skills 101 Cycling … Continue reading →
      Boston Biker
    • Last all To Submit Comments For Allston I-90 DEIR February 7, 2018
      TweetFrom Livable Streets: Are you willing to wait 22 years for your train to show up? Now is the time to let state leaders know that we can’t afford to wait. The Allston I-90 Interchange project can transform access and mobility for … Continue reading →
      Boston Biker
    • Hubway Winter Update February 2, 2018
      TweetFrom Hubway:   Hubway had a winning January! This past month, Hubway riders took over 40,000 trips, more than double the January record. Want to try out winter riding? You don’t need to be tough — you just need to be … Continue reading →
      Boston Biker
    • Speak Up For Zoning Reform In MA! February 1, 2018
      TweetFrom Livable Streets: Did you know that the last time Massachusetts updated its zoning laws was in 1975? We need your help today to ensure that our future includes responsible planning for great neighborhoods! Contact Massachusetts legislators and let them know that we … Continue reading →
      Boston Biker
    • My e-mail in support of West Station January 31, 2018
      TweetAlexander Strysky is the reviewer for the Massashusetts Environmental Protection Agency reviewer for the I-90 Interchange project in Allston. The Massachusetts Department of Transportation has backed off from plans for prompt construction of  anew West Station on the Framingham-Worcester commuter-rail … Continue reading →
      jsallen
    • My letter to the Globe about the Kurmann fatality January 31, 2018
      TweetI’ve read the Op-Ed piece by Andrew Fischer and Alan Wright, “Killing Bicyclists should be a crime” in the Sunday, January 28 Globe. I agree with Wright and Fischer that a charge of involuntary manslaughter against the trucker in the … Continue reading →
      jsallen
    • My letter to the Globe aobut the Kurmann fatality January 31, 2018
      TweetI’ve read the Op-Ed piece by Andrew Fischer and Alan Wright, “Killing Bicyclists should be a crime” in the Sunday, January 28 Globe. I agree with Wright and Fischer that a charge of involuntary manslaughter against the trucker in the … Continue reading →
      jsallen
    • Take Action! Support Safe Streets Legislation January 31, 2018
      TweetFrom livable streets: Next Wednesday, February 7th is the deadline for legislative committees to act on bills, and An Act to Reduce Traffic Fatalities remains in front of the Joint Committee on Transportation. Will you help us make Massachusetts streets safer for all? The … Continue reading →
      Boston Biker
    • Bikes Not Bombs Update January 31, 2018
      Tweet Save the Date for our Bike-A-Thon! It’s official, our 31st Annual Bike-A-Thon will be on Sunday, June 10th, 2018! There are 4 routes to choose from again this year: 10, 30, 50, and 100 miles. Keep checking our website for updates about … Continue reading →
      Boston Biker