Like any good fan of dungeons and dragons, I view the world through alignment charts. I’ve given this some thought, and below you will find definitive cyclist alignment chart. I’m betting that one already exists, but this is going to be my version. Click for the full jpeg.

The Cyclist's Alignment Chart

Breakdown:

Lawful Good: we have a photo of a dorky commuter, upholding the law and wearing ridiculously bright clothing in the middle of the day. It is accompanied by a Shane quote.

Neutral Good: Perhaps indicative of the more casual rider, who wants to do good in the world, might run a red light or two, might bike on the sidewalk, but is generally helping the cyclist cause and the environment.

Chaotic Good: Critical Mass. Doing good by mucking shit up once a month.

Lawful Neutral: Ol’ timey cyclist, abiding by the law just because he doesn’t want to anger the drivers. This is probably my favorite photo.

True Neutral: Fixed gear cyclist, with no ideology just biking in the most advantageous way possible for himself.

Chaotic Neutral: AKA “The worse cyclist on the road”. Shirtless, and borderline retarded. The term cyclist doesn’t seem to apply here. This is a guy who found a shitty bike in a friend’s yard and said, “Whoa can I ride this home?”. Opportunist and ignorant of the road, I want to make these people illegal.

Lawful Evil: I think if you asked Lawful Evil drivers, they’d conflate the ideas of lawfulness with good. Driving a car is really just a gradient of evil. You’re economically supporting terrorists, polluting the environment, the make cities a more unpleasant place just so you can get somewhere without taking a fucking bus. Yes, there are considerate, lawful drivers in smaller cars. But let’s face it, you’re perpetuating the problem that you’re pretending to solve.

Neutral Evil: Same as the kind, lawful evil drivers, but they don’t fucking care. No effort, they’re just going someplace.

Chaotic Evil: This takes some effort. This would be like one Dr. Christopher Thomas Thompson (pictured), who stopped short because he didn’t like some cyclists riding two abreast. He literally assaulted someone with a deadly weapon and got only 5 years in prison. If I meet this person on the street, I plan on punching or poisoning him. This is really why your parents tell you to wear a helmet. Assholes who are trying to kill you.

And there you have it. It’s all settled, and we have a common lexicon for communicating the different types of people on the road.

You’re welcome.

-Cyclostat.

We Are Traffic from Bank Tangjaitrong on Vimeo.

People have strong opinions about critical mass. Hate it or love it I thought this video was interesting. My personal point of view is that the more bike friendly a place is the smaller the critical mass is. Critical mass’ seem to be an outpouring of solidarity based on mutual repression. The nicer a place is to cyclists the less they feel the need to engage in these large protest/fun/whatever rides to raise their status. Basically in places where bikes are seen as just another way to get around there is a critical mass every day.

What do you think?

As it turns out, according to Boston city law, bicycles are considered vehicles, so parking a bicycle in a metered parking space is perfectly legal.

With that knowledge, Galen struck a brain-chord in thinking of starting some guerrilla on-street bike parking. Re-purposing parking spots isn’t anything new, as the global-wide existence of PARK(ing) Day will attest to, and neither is on-street bike parking, but to our knowledge it had never been done in either Newton nor Boston, so Nathan Phillips, mentor of BU Bikes and active member of Newton Bikes, ran with the idea over in Newton a few weeks ago. It was so successful that he wanted us to try it out in Boston, so last Friday, before the start of Boston’s Critical Mass ride, we did.

After paying a meter for a spot on Boylston, Nathan and I invited passing cyclists and Critical Mass riders to join us, and though only a few did actually join us, they reacted positively to our efforts, even if it was after luring them in with Clif Bars:

Eventually we moved to a second spot, and a curious Motorcyclist even joined in on our two-wheeled parking party. Before leaving, we left him with the meter ticket for the space which still had 40 minutes remaining.

Before I arrived Nathan had one confrontation with a parking meter attendant, who after leaving to report him to her supervisor never returned. One police officer told me we couldn’t leave our bikes in the space and stumbled away befuddled when I told him we actually paid the meter and that what we were doing was legal.

As far as we know, this is the first time anyone’s ever attempted any kind of on-street bike parking in Boston. Though, rumor has it that a certain bar/cafe here will soon be the first establishment to have the city convert a metered spot into on-street bike parking. I’m guessing it’ll look something like what they’ve done in Portland:

Considering said rumor, upcoming PARK(ing) day in September, and the fact that bicycles are considered vehicles under Boston law, expect to see more fun and useful re-purposing of city metered parking spots for people-friendly usage right here in Boston in the foreseeable future. And even if we weren’t the first to take over a parking space in Boston for on-street bike parking, we were certainly the first BU Bikers to do it.

I was in San Jose last week and got to be part of their monthly bike party. Some strange things about bike party…

1. 1500 people, no joke this thing is huge
2. people stop at stop signs and red lights (mostly)
3. people in cars are nice to the party members
4. all ages (family, child, old, college, high school etc)
5. people love their cruisers/low riders/choppers/old shitty mountain bikes out there.
6. it is done at night
7. music is provided by several bike trailers, and a musical couch
8. BIKE PARTY!!!!
9. seriously…BIKE PARTY!!!!!

The nice thing about this, and I am not sure it would work here, is that everyone (cars/bikers/pedestrians) seem to be having a great time. No one was yelling, or screaming, and it was a nice experience. The critical mass in Boston should try doing it a couple hours later some month and see if there are less conflicts, they might be happy with the results.

So as of late there has been a bit of a stink a brewin’ on various bicycle related message boards about town. Let me boil it down for you:

Side one: Critical Mass is stupid and horrible
Side two: Critical Mass is great and awesome

If you are not familiar with Critical Mass, let me attempt to sum it up (its rather hard to summarize a group with no stated goal, no leader, and no actual group organization). Critical mass is the last Friday of every month, people meet at Copley square and then ride around town. It is usually a really fun and light time that you should check out at least once if you live in Boston. They do not follow traffic laws, but the ride is usually orderly, and usually gets around places with a minimum of hassle. Car drivers are often pissed because it is Friday night and they just want to get home, but as often they enjoy the parade like atmosphere of it all. Like I said it’s hard to summarize.

Now I am not really sure what side I come down on, as I can see it from both points of view, the main contention seems to be people getting pissed that traffic is slowed, and laws are broken. The whole NYPD cop shoving a kid off his bike and then lying about it thing during this last critical mass didn’t help either, not to mention the crazy people in Seattle that tore a car apart after someone hit a biker.

Tension is high, and both sides are making good points. So it could have ended there but Jon (whoever he may be) is trying to organize a “Courteous Mass” or a Critical Mass that follows the law. I will be interested to see how this goes. Here is the email I got below.

So if you are a normal Critical Masser and want to see what it’s like to stop at those red lights give it a go, if you are a normal roady that wants a small taste of what a Critical Mass ride is about go for it. I will let you debate the merits/drawbacks of Critical Mass in the comments.

Courteous Mass
Friday August 8th – 5:30pm – Copley Square

Just like Critical Mass, only this ride will obey traffic laws 

Spread the word. (or in this case, email)

- Jon

Whatever your sentiments on Critical Mass are, this is just despicable.

Update: here is a little bit more information via BoingBoing. The cyclist was arrested and charged with attempted assault and resisting arrest. Wtf?!

Update 20080729

The police officer has been stripped of his badge and gun. He was just out of the Police Academy, third generation officer, and did not seem to file an accurate report of the event based on the video that was anonymously posted.