Snot Rocket Redux

Written by Boston Biker on Dec 14

This is sage advice, and part of a larger post, but I thought it was very relevant to the weather we are having now, so I excerpted it and re-posted it below. Use this knowledge wisely.

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Where I grew up this was called the farmers blow, and I learned it from an old grizzled farmer who was tougher than nails and stronger than an ox (true story). When it gets cold your eyes tear up and your nose runs (if you want to know the medical reason for this see here). Moving though this colder air on your bike will only make it feel colder and cause more tears and snot. It has been my experience that once you get going you warm up and the snot stops, but for the first bit of your ride you are going to have a running nose and perhaps a tear or two. You could pull over every ten feet and blow your nose, or you can learn the ancient art of the snot rocket.

What I am about to share with you has been passed down from farmer to biker through the ages, and is holy knowledge not to be used for anything but the most holy of purposes, so prepare yourself padiwan because this is important stuff. The snot rocket is the act of ejecting snot (and anything else) from your nose without the use of tissue. When done correctly you can completely blow your nose free of all obstructions without slowing down, and without getting it all over yourself (a key point).

So how does one do this magical feat? First wait until you got a bit of snot built up, it is important to have some shot in the cannon, or in my experience this wont work. Beware however if you wait too long you will have too much ammo and the results can be disastrous. I recommend waiting till you start to feel the snot run a bit, that’s when you strike!

a. Place a finger against the nose hole you will not be clearing, I use the pointer, some people use the thumb, either way you are covering up the non-business hole. You don’t have to take both hands off the bars for this, but sometimes it is easier if you sit up and ride no handed for a couple yards. This can also be done with gloves on.

b. Point your head to the side. You need to get your head far enough over so that the wind takes the snot past your shoulder, not into it. Remember to adjust for the wind.

c. Check that no other cyclists are behind you. We are going to use our powers for good, not evil. If there are cars behind you, don’t worry, they will have the windows up and heater on, they will not be bothered.

d. Exhale a short staccato breath through your nose. Think of yourself as an angry bull from an old Warner Brothers cartoon, or pretend you just got punched in the gut. This is the key, a hard short breath that ends abruptly will launch the contents of your nostrils into the air and the wind created by your forward motion will carry it safely past you.

e. Repeat with the other nostril.

f. Wipe any leftovers off with that soft part on your glove or sleeve.

Combines with a good spit you can completely clear your entire head of snot and tears at speed with no tissues. Earth friendly and efficient. Plus I have had more than one compliment from pedestrians who have witnessed this (“holy shit that is disgusting!” is a compliment right?). But seriously if you want to ride in the winter you are going to have to master this move. It allows you to breath easily and will greatly improve your riding experience.

Tags: awesome, bugger blast, farmers blow, gross, nose cannon, snot rocket
Posted in education | 7 Comments »