Testing The Limits

Sometimes in life you want to test the limits. Sometimes you want to see how fast you can go, or how far you can ride. The suffering is worth it in the end because you find a new limit, raise the bar just a little. You ask yourself a lot of questions during these tests, “can I make it one more mile?” “Can I make my legs go just a little bit faster?” “Is puking really such a bad option at this point?”

You ever think to yourself, “self, I wonder if the bone in my foot is stronger than a one inch thick cast aluminum metal bar?” If you are like me you probably ask yourself some version of this question just about every day. The real problem here is that it is almost impossible to test this limit on your own. What you really need is someone to help you out. Enter the Friendly Underpaid City Knowledge Earner Re-locater!, or FUCKER! for short. These tireless servants spend their morning moving young knowledge earner (students) to and from various locations around the town.

If you really want to test the strength of your foot bone you need to lodge it under a bus for some measure of time. This will allow you to see which will break first, your foot, or the 1 inch thick metal bar that attaches your pedal to your bike.

The easiest way to get your foot stuck under the side of a bus is to have it pass you on the left, then make a sudden right hand turn (with no signal). Then you can get your foot stuck under the side of the bus, if you don’t want to die (remember we are only testing the foot bone) you will need to make a sudden sharp and somewhat terrifying right hand turn.

If like me you are ridding a fixed gear bike you should pretty much be along for the ride at this point, as it is now impossible to get your foot out from under the side of the bus until it has been crushed through a full rotation. And I do mean CRUSHED, the full weight of the bus will be on your foot for several seconds as you ride through the turn, bumping off the side of the bus the entire time. Remember, don’t fall over or you will be crushed by the back wheel of the bus, and your entire test will be for nothing.

The thing about FUCKERs is that they often don’t feel the need to talk to you after you tell them they just helped you out with the test, they also don’t feel the need to give you their information until you call the cops. Once you do call the cops (it is important to get a second opinion on the results of the test), they change their tune from “I didn’t know” to “I didn’t do it.”

The other thing is that they often simply don’t care they helped you with the test, they most often don’t even notice that they crushed your shit helped you at all. Very strange, these FUCKERs are strange creatures.

So I know you are anxious to know the results! Was the bone in my foot stronger, or was the 1 inch thick metal bar stronger?!?!?! Well listen up bitches, you are reading the blog post of a bastard with the strongest foot bone in the city!

Check out this,

boooya!

So the results are, foot bone 1, 1 inch thick metal bar 0! In your face metal!

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New England Track Championships – August 5th & 6th

Via Bostonfixed

Next Tuesday and Wednesday (august 5th & 6th) are the new england track championships at the new england velodrome in Londonderry, NH. Tuesday is for A,B riders and Wednesday is C,D and women.

Gates open at 4, racing starts at six.

Events are a match sprint, kilo, and a points race. it’s an omnium set-up – you score points in each race that you place in, and whoever has the most points at the end of the night wins for the category. top four finishers get points – 1st gets 5, 2nd 3, 3rd 2 and 4th 1.

YOU SHOULD COME.

it’s really awesome that Tony, Laurie, Dick Ring and whoever else involved are pulling together a New England championship. you can go race other regional champs. and feel fancy. we should support this. we’re part of small niche of people that already own track bikes and we should be reppin’ harder. Rides can be worked out, and usually depart around 3/3.30. post up if you want to go and which night you would be going. (go to forum to actually post)

Just think. YOU could be a new england champion by this time next week!

Sounds like a fun time, you should all go check it out.

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