Lets Make One Thing Clear, I Am Not Slowing You Down

Dear Boston Motorists

Lets make one thing crystal clear. Cyclists are not slowing you down. You read that correctly, cyclists are not the reason you are not going as fast as you want to go.

“But what about when they ride in the street!!!!!11!!!”

No, stop it. Listen.

C Y C L I S T S A R E N O T T H E O N E S S L O W I N G Y O U D O W N.

See any cyclists here?

This is not a matter of opinion, this is a simple math problem. I can prove this with a piece of paper and a pencil. I can tell by the look on your face that you don’t believe me. You think I am just another smug cyclists using your road and slowing you down.

Ok lets do a little thought experiment. Every day while you sit in traffic and wonder why traffic isn’t moving, I want you to take a good look at what is in front of you, and take another good look at what is behind you. Keep a little note book, write down what you see. After a month or two, add up your results. I am going to guess that “cyclists” = 0 and “other people in cars” = a whole fucking bunch. Cyclists are not the ones slowing you down.

Need more proof, how about we use some more math. A person on a bicycle takes up 8-10 sq foot of road, a car takes up 100+ square feet of road. Road space is limited…do the math. Cyclists are not the ones slowing you down.

“But one time this guy on a bike got right in front of me and I had to go around, slowing me down!!!!”

You know one time I found a ten dollar bill on the ground, you know what happened the other 99.99% of the time, I didn’t. Cyclists are not the ones slowing you down.

You want to know what is slowing you down? You are. You are the problem. Every day you get in your car all by your self and you drive to work. You take up all sorts of space on the street just so you can move yourself (and no one else) a couple miles down the street. You are getting in everyone way. You are taking up space on the street that another car driver could use. You speed up too fast, and then have to slam on your brakes because you don’t pay attention to the timing of red lights. You are taking up parking spots, you are blocking that driveway, you are are keeping the bus from making that turn. You didn’t let that guy merge in so he is blocking both lanes. You stopped half way into the intersection. You are slowing you down.

When you got your car you thought it was going to be like this:

Ever wonder why car commercials always show empty streets with only one car speeding around? It’s because they don’t want everyone else to see you! You getting in their way. You causing traffic. You slowing everyone down.

Just because they lied to you, and you swallowed it hook line and sinker doesn’t mean that you have the right to be a dangerous jerk bag on the streets to the only vehicles without metal armor (cyclists). If you really want to get mad at someone for all that traffic, tilt your review mirror down till you can see your own reflection and scream till you feel better.

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