To Serve And Protect…Two Open Letters

Dear Lady in a car.

Thank you so much for swerving across three lanes to make your right hand turn today. I would also like to thank you for keeping me on my toes, the fact that you didn’t use any turn signals was a sneaky move! A couple tips, next time you might find it easier to turn right from the right hand side of the street. Turn signals are also a playful way of letting people know you want to turn. Also you seem to have given your passenger quite a fright, as I heard her screaming “HOLY SHIT CLAIR WATCH OUT THERE IS A GUY ON A BIKE!!!” and “WATCH OUT WATCH OUT WATCH OUT!”. It seems almost cruel the way you put her through that trauma.

I would also like to mention that my hand gesture (you know the one where the middle finger is all the way up and pointing at your direction) was a playful reminder to improve your driving skills. I am sure if you try hard next time you will actually kill/maim/or permanently disable a cyclist. Your dreams of being an inconsiderate, dangerous, and idiotic asshole will be realized. Don’t give up the dream.

With Love
BostonBiker

Dear Officer

Thank you so much for coming to watch my one act play entitled “Cyclist is obeying every single traffic law, and nearly gets killed by a crazy lady and cop does nothing.” With out you there to do nothing, this play could have never happened. I especially like the part where you ignored me when I tried to get your attention at the next red light(which I was stopped at). That and the part where after you did finally talk to me you berated me for giving that woman the one finger salute, instead of arresting her for making an illegal turn that nearly killed me. I feel comforted that with officers like yourself on the job I am safe. It is so rare that a cop is DIRECTLY BEHIND the scene of a near accident, so rare that they get to witness THE ENTIRE THING. Rarer still that you manged to be such a belligerent asshole, perhaps you don’t like being addressed by terms like “Officer” and “Sir.” My mistake.

You would have been uniquely suited to testify on my behalf, you could have truly lived up to the goal of your entire profession, (in case you forgot, it is to serve and protect). I applaud your sacrifice. As it must be hard to so completely and totally abandon the sole function of your job in the pursuit of being a lazy dick. Next time your child/wife/husband/loved one is out cycling I hope they also receive the same protection from your fellow law officers.

Kisses and Hugs
BostonBiker

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