Defusing The Ted Bomb
Written by Boston Biker on Sep 14This Sunday I had a very interesting interaction with a motorist, recreated here to the best of my memory.
I was in the left hand land of Cambridge street heading towards a red light waiting for the right hand land to clear so I could merge over. I decided to stop at the red light and then work my way over to the right after we got moving again, while I was stopping for the red I was honked at. This happens a lot as cars often will look right in front of them instead of down the street and are often embarrassed when they have to stop several feet after they honked at you for “slowing them down.”
I guess when you spend all day staring at the back of the car in front of you, you don’t get in the habit of looking several feet in front of that car to see what the light is doing. You simply move when the car in front of you moves, which in turn moves because the car in front of it did, and so on. The only person actually paying attention is the one at the front of the line, and the one behind that one waiting to lay on the horn if the person in front doesn’t rocket off the start line on the green…but I digress.
I responded to the honking with my usual “turn and give a little smile and kiss” response, designed to enrage point out the idiocy of their behavior. I figured that when we got moving I would move over and I could spend several more awkward red lights with the guy as we made our way to the bridge. But to my dismay he proceed to lay on the horn like it was going out of style the INSTANT the green light came on, giving me no time to move over.
It was a beautiful Sunday, the sun was shinning warmly, and this ASSHOLE was in a total rush to get to the next red light and frankly my rage-o-meter went right off the charts. I came to a complete stop, almost getting myself run over (note to self: don’t do this ever again). I left my bike in the road (note to self: stupid stupid) and went right up to his window (note to self: dumb) ready to downsize this morons face with my U-lock, and as this lug stepped out of his car my brain did something smart (for the first time in this whole confrontation).
He got out of his car and started raving like a lunatic.
Him: “SCREAMSCREAMSDLFKSDFLKSJXCSCREAM!!!”
Me: “whats your name?”
Him: “SCREAMAHHHHHHHHSCREAM”
Me: “whats your name?!” Hand held out
H: “SCREAM!!”
Me: “WHATS your name!?” Hand held out
H: “Ted!”
Me: “Hi Ted my name is…”
Shake
Me: “Ted do you know what will happen to me if you run me over with your car?”
Ted: “You have to be on the right side of the road, you are breaking the law!”
Me: “No I am not, Ted, bicycles are legally allowed to use the full lane, and had you given me the chance I would have moved over, but by honking your horn at me you pissed me off.”
Ted: “You have to move over, I am a cop, I know this!”
Me: “Ted trust me on this you are violating the law by honking at me and almost running me over, If I was a less experienced cyclist I could have lost control of my bike and ended up under your wheels”
Ted: … (he visibly calms down at this point)
Me: “Ted do you have children?
Ted: “I have three children”
Me: “Ted how would you feel if one of them got run over because someone was in a huge rush to get to the next red light, do you want to call my mother and tell her that I am dead because you couldn’t wait a second?”
Ted: “You make a good point”
Me: “It’s a nice Sunday, the sun is out, calm the FUCK DOWN, and give me a bit of space and I will get out of your way” (just because he had calmed down didn’t mean that I had)
He agreed, although I am not sure he was convinced I was able to legally use the left lane, we shook hands, I gave him a pat on the shoulder. I got back on my bike (which was pretty much under his front bumper, god that was stupid of me to stop in the middle of the road like that). I proceeded to the next several red lights, each time getting there shortly after Ted. He went over the bridge into Cambridge and I never saw him again. In essence I had slowed him down only by stopping to talk to him, had he not honked at all he wouldn’t have lost a single moment of his day to “my slowness.”
Instead he almost got my U-lock upside his head, and almost killed me. He was also a sizable gentleman I am sure had there been a tussle I would have suffered a good pounding as well. Overall I was pretty proud of myself that none of that stuff happened, I only wish that we could have these little teachable moments without almost getting run over. Sadly there have been a couple fatalities of cyclists in the area lately, they are rare and therefor shocking (hundreds of people die each year in car crashes). And almost all of them could have been avoided by everyone simply being a little more courteous on the streets.
Ted seemed like an alright guy, not the kind of person that would stab someone, or shoot them, or drown them, a family man and a cop. Get him behind a car, and put a shell of glass and metal around him and he became a monster (and an asshole). Why did he become a murderous crazy person? Because he has to slow down a little. Only when I re-humanized myself in his eyes did he see what he was doing. If someone bumped into you on an elevator, or walked a bit slowly in front of you on the street you would never treat them the way people regularly do when they are behind the wheel.
I assure you, if you hit me with your car, my bones will break, my blood will pour out, my organs will burst, I am a human being, not a speed bump. If you hit me with your car because you are in a hurry you will no longer be a person, you will be a murderer. If you drive a car, and you are reading this, think about your children, think about them lying dead and broken under the wheels of an automobile. The cyclist in front of you is someones child, someones brother, someones son or daughter, someones lover. All of these people care deeply about that cyclist, love them, will cry for them if they are dead. Imagine someone taking your loved ones away from you, or hurting them, or scaring them, or just being mean to them… Is it really worth it just so you can get to that next red light slightly faster?
Tags: bomb, positive interaction, rage, serious business, stupid drivers
Posted in bostonbiker | 16 Comments »
16 Responses
to “Defusing The Ted Bomb”
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- Sep 15, 2009: Cyclists rise up, and a jackass backs down « BikingInLA
By bikinginla
on Sep 14, 2009 | Reply
My hat, or in this case, helmet, is off to you. I’ve tried any number of ways to defuse a situation like that — as well as blowing my top and needlessly escalating the situation. But it would never have occurred to me to handle it the way you did.
I’ve written a number of times on my own blog about the need to humanize ourselves to drivers for our own safety, hopefully before it gets to that level. I have to admit, this is a far a better example of how to do it, and why, than anything I’ve come up with.
By Tristan
on Sep 14, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for handling this the way you did. It’s a tribute to cyclists everywhere when a bomb gets defused as such.
Hopefully, Ted will remember what he learned that Sunday, and perhaps even pass it on to his wife and children down the line.
Again, Thank you.
By Jazzcycle
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
Bravo my friend, bravo!
By Aaron
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
Well done settling Ted down, I’m not sure I would’ve avoided the pounding!
By Ryan
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
Nicely handled. I can relate to both sides (biker vs. cage driver) and I can say that I am always conscious of bikers and try to give them as much room as possible HOWEVER a large number (I could say majority) of bicyclists that I see on the road ride like assholes. Acting like a car when it suits them best (riding in the middle of the lane @ 10 mph) but as soon as “car rules” become an inconvenience, they revert back to “pedestrian” and run red lets, cut through the middle of the line of stopped cars, go up on sidewalks, blow through crosswalks, etc. As much as I can relate and understand the danger that biclyclists encounter on a day to day basis, THE BIKERS are the ones that need to be more conscientous of the dangers and ride accordingly (defensively). Had the author dropped his bike in the middle of the road and come over to my window with his U-Lock in his hand (making me feel threatened), this story would have had a very different ending, and it would not have been a good one for the biker.
By Rhea
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
It’s gonna be a while until Boston drivers are accustomed to seeing cyclists on the road. I shudder to think of the mounting deaths of cyclists until that day.
By Boston Biker
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
ryan: I fully agree, but I want you to know I didn’t have my u-lock in my hand when I came to this mans window…I wouldn’t take my u-lock out unless I was going to use it, which I wouldn’t cause I am a peaceful guy
if you read my previous posts you will see I am an advocate of the “behave and follow the laws” system of getting along for everyone.
However you make an interesting point, do you think it is valid for drivers to act like crazy people, almost killing a cyclist because the cyclist is breaking the law? I would say that no matter what the cyclist does, killing them or injuring them severely with a car or truck is never justified.
By Ryan
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
Absolutely, driver’s need to chill the F out and realize that it is an actual human being on that bike, and realize that even riding to close could be enough to shake the riders concentration enough to cause an accident. Like I said, I see both sides (I don’t ride a bicycle, but a small moped (not a scooter, an actual moped) so I see how crazy drivers can be. But it does seem that bicyclists sometimes have a holier-than-thou attitude and feel that they can do no wrong, and then get pissed at drivers. When I am driving, I sometimes get upset with bikers becuase they are riding like assholes and I DON’T WANT TO KILL THEM! But they seem to tempt that fate more than they should.
By cyclostat
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
Ryan, I’m just going to say it. I’m a cyclist and I break the rules on the road because cyclists live in a transportation anarchy. Cyclists get in trouble for both following the rules and breaking them, it’s just that the former is on the road and the latter is mostly text-based. Personally, I prefer anonymous, internet based fist shaking to Ted situations.
And it seems that most accidents are the drivers fault anyway:
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/28/who-causes-cyclists-deaths/?scp=1&sq=cyclist%20deaths&st=cse
The Ted situation is sort of the “damned if you do” situation: had the author weaved through traffic, and ran a few red lights, Ted would have been miles behind (Or so I would assume, please let me know if this is correct). I’m not saying it’s right, but personally I don’t care, so I’d say the author is a better person than I am.
Anyways. I’d rather be illegal, fast, and alive than live legally and take my chances on the latter two. I’ll probably repost this response on my blog, since I feel this might provoke some discussion.
By Sam
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
Your response was brilliant (the walking over, not the abandoning bike thing)!
I know getting motorists to empathize with me more is the only solution to road rage…I continue to work on this.
By teeheehee
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
I remember reading of another cyclist who uses a similar approach with many of their mad-driver interactions, nearly always with a positive outcome. It’s amazing how much a handshake and some concerted eye-contact can impact a situation (provided the explosion hasn’t already reached a critical point.)
Very glad it didn’t escalate. Even knowing of a “good way” to handle a situation like this it’s tough to pull it off without some serious brass cojones.
By carpundit
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
It could have gone very badly, Ted. If he were a cop, and you attacked him with a U-lock, he might have felt his life was in danger and shot you enough times to make sure you couldn’t hit him with the U-lock. It probably would have been legally justified, but it even if it weren’t, you’d be dead. Glad it worked out differently.
CP
By Joe Linton
on Sep 15, 2009 | Reply
What I like to do when some unhappy driver behind me gets the honks – is to just raise my hand and give an enthusiastic “thumbs up” sign. Treat the honking as encouragement. Perhaps this does sometimes piss off the driver, but it usually gets them to stop honking if they think it’s actually encouraging me… and it keeps things fairly positive.
By Marc
on Sep 26, 2009 | Reply
I’m glad to see that the situation ended on a positive note. I try to make way for drivers like that. I remember a couple years back, a BU student was shot in a crosswalk for getting mouthy with a driver. I’ve also been chased through East Cambridge and I had a can of food thrown at me… You never know what a person hiding in armor on wheels will do.
Not that this situation fully warrants this, but school is back in session. There seem to be dozens and dozens of new amateur cyclists. It’s probably not a bad time to error on the side of caution rather than fight back. I know just from riding a bike around that a lot of “new to city riding” cyclists do some pretty insane things.
By Dub
on Mar 10, 2010 | Reply
I’m a new Boston cyclist, though I’ve ridden my fair share of miles. Needless to say, your response was perfect, and I’m glad to see Ted go away with something to think about.
To the above: Despite my fairly new introduction to city riding, I’ve managed to make good progress at learning how to bike safely. I stop at red lights (barring the odd crosswalk or empty road), I don’t ride on the sidewalk, and I stay behind cars when I feel that threading my way to the front wouldn’t make sense, as they’ll pull away from me anyway. That being said, I see MANY new and, more notably, not-so-new cyclist that ride like mad people. I understand I don’t have the skill these road warriors do, but running a red through a busy intersection seems like an easy way to tempt fate. Cyclists aren’t all that well treated on roads; however, in my opinion, the ones cycling like jerks do more damage to drivers’ attitudes than the ones that are courteous do good. Unfortunately, I’m not sure this situation is salvageable until more bikers are on the roads, or legislation/bike lane zoning is shifted into the cyclists’ favor. (all of this IMHO)
cheers