KatamariCat Recap

Written by Boston Biker on Aug 26

So I wasn’t really sure how this race was going to go. My expectations were that it would involve carrying stuff, perhaps even a lot of stuff. With that in mind I emptied my bag of all but the essentials, threw in a couple old tubes to use as tie downs, and even went so far as to attach a rack to the back of my bike. I was so not prepared for the epic amount of sheer awesome this race would turn into.

Let me say that again…EPIC. I know that people on the internet like to use terms like epic and awesome casually, but boy howdy this was a fantastic race.

Just ridding over to the starting point I was a dripping sweaty mess, it was about 90 degrees outside with about the same humidity, riding was more akin to swimming through hot water covered in a wool blanket. Before the race started I stopped at a gas station, got two frozen snickers bar ice cream things, and a giant Gatorade, the ice cream didn’t make it past the end of the parking lot, and the Gatorade disappeared shortly after…it was hot.

I got to the starting point early, and was disappointed to see so few actual racers (mostly check point workers), but that soon changed as I sat under a tree and though cool thoughts about 50 other racers showed up! A fantastic turnout for such a geeky themed alleycat, on such a devils nut sack kind of day.

Once everyone was collected we were given the following manifest:

(this is going to be a long post, click below to read the rest)

Note: the parts in ()’s that tells you what to do at each race was not given to us before hand and was added in so you know what we had to do at each stop. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

Rules: This is a scavenger race. You will be given assignments on what to gather at each checkpoint. Checkpoints must be done in order, and within the timeframe given below. If you arrive before a checkpoint opens, or after a checkpoint closes, nobody will be there and you will feel dejected and alone. Points will be given for best results in several categories (see below). The rider with the most overall points at the end is the winner.

CP1: 2pm-4pm
Ringer Playground, Allston
(Find an object longer than a foot)

CP2: 2pm-4pm
Cambridge Bikes, 259 Mass Ave
(Find an object heavier than five pounds)

CP3: 2:30pm-4:30pm
Bunker Hill Monument, Charlestown
(Find an object that can’t fit in a priority mail envelope)

CP4: 2:30pm-4:30pm
North End Playground, North End
(Find an object that weighs more than 7.5 pounds)

CP5: 3pm-5pm
Floating Docks, Charles River & Gloucester
(Find an object longer than 2 feet)

CP6: 3pm-5pm
Superb, 842 Beacon St
(Find an object that weighs more than 10 pounds)

CP7: 3:30pm-5:30pm
Larz Anderson Park (top of the hill), Brookline
(Find something larger than the largest object you have so far)

Finish: 4pm-6pm
Columbus Park Hockey Court, Southie!!!

Points categories:
10 points for most unique/ridiculous object
10 points for heaviest load
10 points for fastest rider
10 points for the most breakable object that arrives unbroken
20 points for bringing the secret bonus level object
Beer! One point per beer, max 30 points
5 points per item, max 30 points, acquired in the following categories: Living creatures bigger than a cellphone, Holy objects, Hard alcohol,
Potted plants, Traffic signs, Bike frames, & Porn

My initial reaction was…wow these checkpoints are kind of scattered all over, this is going to be a long race in the heat. My second reaction was Larz Anderson…shiiiit. That thing nothing but a HUGE hill. My third reaction was…I need more water it is hot out here.

The racers chatted about the checkpoints and the “extra items” and how to get and hold them, what we thought would happen at each stop and basically a lot of “where the hell is X” going on. In my mind I was already working out how I was going to acquire most of the items and how I was going to get from point to point. Almost immediately I gave up on the “speed points” as did I mention…it was hot.

Team gigantic member Rob told us to put all our bags in a big pile, we then went across the street to get our pre race talk, be safe, don’t be a dick, if you hit a ped you are disqualified (I personally liked that he tried to get us all to be safe), and we were off. We had to run back to our bags, get our bags, and take off. So began a day of miserable fun.

The checkpoints basically broke down into three categories. Get something longer than X, get something bigger than X or get something that weighted X or more. With X steadily going up as the race went on. Just like the game you had to gather more and bigger shit as time went on, or you lost.

So if my hazy memory serves me correctly the race went something like this.

GO! Bike bike bike bike, sweat, get a stick, bike bike bike, get a pile of rocks, bike bike bike, “borrow” a potted plant, bike bike bike, sweat, get a bigger stick, bike bike bike, get a bigger pile of rocks, bike bike bike, buy porn, buy beer, buy rum, bike bike bike, “borrow” road sign (it was one of them temporary paper ones), bike sweat, bike sweat, bike sweat, get HUGE granite paver that weighed over 30 pounds strap to rack on back of bike, bike sweat sweat sweat sweat bike bike get lost, swear, bike sweat, fuck I need to be at the top of that HUGE hill, push bike up hill push push push push, collapse at top of GIANT hill, get news that I need something even bigger and longer than things I have now, find 8.5 foot long wooden pole, strap pole to bike some how, DOWN HILL!!!!, bike sweat, buy more power aid, bike bike bike FINISH, Die. Pant, pant, die. Pant, recover. Smile.

It was a fantastic race, followed by a fantastic after party/bbq. I was super impressed with all the many and huge things everyone had strapped to there backs. At one point I couldn’t figure out how to get to Larz Anderson so I just kept going up (I knew it was the highest point in Boston), when I saw some “moving trees” at the top of a giant hill I knew I was in the right place. The final results were as follows

POINTS:
Ben 62 (Grand prize winner)
Lauren 42 (2nd 3rd place)
Shane 41 (3rd 4th place)
Joshua 30
Jake 23
Colin 22 52 (2nd place) Correction: A transcription error led us to overlook Colin, who is the rightful 2nd place racer
Jeff 20
Patrick 18
Karol 15
Heather 13
Kate Z. 12
Melissa 10
Brad 6
Dan 5
Eric 5
Dan C. 5
Aaron 2
Travis 1

WEIGHT:
Joshua 100 (Katamari prize)
Jake 59
Shane 57
Dan 53
Heather 48 (Unique item finalist: Mounted knit deer head)
Pat L. 47
Andrew G. 45
Andrew 43
Ben 42
Lauren 41
Jeff 41 (Unique item finalist: Stolen car stereo)
Jack R. 41
Scott 40
Chris 39
Matt L. 38
Melissa 36
Pennie 36
Colin 35
Eric 35
Patrick 35
Jeff 35
KP 33
Jen 30
Kate Z. 30
Aaron 29
Dave G. 29
Christian 26
Kate 24
Travis 21
Molly D. 21
Farzad 19
Karol 15
Dan 15
Mike S. 15
Dan C. 15 (Unique item winner: Defaced George Washington poster)
Brad 10
—————–
Total weight: 1278 pounds

Now before I talk about how insane Joshua was (and he was) lets see them stats 37 finishers, 1278 pounds thats an average of 34.5 pounds of crap per person. The race was about 25 miles long…in the 90 degree heat, with super high humidity, and you can see how this thing quickly became an epic slog.

Now to Joshua, Joshua is a tiny guy maybe 125 pounds soaking wet, and he came in with an EXTRA 100 lbs strapped to himself, including but not limited to a giant co2 tank, some huge chunks of wood, a 30 rack of keystone, and a computer.

Upon reflection had I purchased a 30 rack right before the end I would have won, but my brain was pretty toasted, and honestly I am not sure how I would have carried it…as I was pretty out of room and my back was killing me because a bunch of rocks had been digging into my kidneys for the last half hour of the race.

Everyone was awesome, the checkpoints were awesome, this race was awesome, and I had a fantastic time. Because this sort of thing is best described in pictures, see below.

Zach’s

Cait’s

at the starting line:

While we were riding:


And my party collage:

(this guy was set free in the ocean shortly after this pic was taken)

more pics here, here, here, here, here, and here

Tags: alleycat, awesome, hills, Hot, katamari, larz anderson, race, recap, sweaty
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