Dear Screaming Car Driver:

Written by Boston Biker on Mar 14

Thank you so much for slowing down on an otherwise empty street at 10pm last night to scream “Your fucking stupid” at me out your window as you passed! Your valuable feedback has aided me in so many ways that I felt I should enumerate them.

1. Clearly you saw my helmet reflector, leg reflectors, blinking back red back light, and back reflector. Your verbal confirmation that my visibility strategy is working is valuable feedback. This will allow me to maintain safety in the future. Thank you.

2. I now know the the car version of “on your left” or “coming up on your right”. It is good to know what I should say when passing in traffic if I ever start driving my car again. Learning proper driving etiquette is important.

3. Thank you for honking and letting me know that your safety equipment is also in good working order. It is reassuring to me that car owners take as much interest in vehicle upkeep that I do.

Even though your feedback and verbal conformation of my visibility was helpful I have several suggestions for the next time you wish to give feedback to a cyclist.

1. Perhaps next time you could up your volume a bit, having you several feet from me while screaming was loud, but could be louder. I was alert, but people not paying attention might not have heard you.

2. Throwing an object like a drink or a lit cigarette would have been a sure fire way of getting my attention. Screaming is great, but what if I had been wearing headphones or hard of hearing?

3. If it would have been possible, could you brush me with your mirror next time? That would have really driven the point across, you almost had it this time, move just a bit farther over and you should get it no problem next time.

Also there are some things I want to recommend that you under no circumstances attempt because they would have severely diluted your message.

1. Do not for any reason move to one of the THREE empty lanes on the street. These empty and completely free lanes are for cars that are not interested in giving verbal feedback, they would have been wasted on you.

2. Do not for any reason fail to scream your message at the top of your lungs. This will only lead to less people hearing your message, and if you said it quietly it may not have the “surprise you and make you fall off your bike” effect you are going for.

3. Do not for any reason, under any circumstances, never ever, reduce speeds, change lanes to one of the three empty ones, roll up your window, and pass without saying anything at all. This will only make the cyclist feel welcome and a part of every day traffic. We cant have this as it will encourage more people to cycle. Increased cycling could lead to loss of voice as you would have to scream at every single one of them. I am only thinking of your health.

I hope that with these helpful tips your feedback skills will improve and you will be able to pass your wisdom on to any and everyone that you see in your travels.

With love
Boston Biker

Tags: dumb ass, sarcasm, stupid driver
Posted in bostonbiker | 2 Comments »