So it’s time once again for a little bike theater, you may have remember our last play “Bad Ideas” It was the thrilling tale of safety on the mean streets of Boston. Well now from the produce of Bad Ideas comes Poor Excuses, a thrill ride.

The scene: Busy traffic, Cambridge, Central Square. A parade is going on, hundreds of scantily dressed women in beautiful feather get ups are walking towards the start of the parade on River st. Traffic is flowing at a snails pace. Our bike is very very slowly making his way down the left hand side of the bike path heading north (to avoid potential parked cars opening their doors.

Actors:
biker (played by yours truly)
Lazy Woman (played by some lady)
Stunned Child (played by lazy womans kid)

Dialog:

*biker moving at a snails pace enjoying the day, safely out of the door zone in bike path, or so he thinks!*

Biker: *mental dialog* “wow what a nice day, the sun is out, these people all look so happy, good thing I am safely out of the way of car do….HOLY SHIT OUCH!” *biker is suddenly stopped by car door opening on the left hand side, from a car in traffic, his thumb is pinned against his handle bars, and his shoulder is smashed by the door, the only thing keeping him from serious injury was the fact that he was going very slowly, and his rugged good looks*

Biker: *actual dialog* “What the fuck! Holy shit lady, your kid just opened her door into me on the left hand side, my thumb is all crushed, what the fuck!”

Lazy Lady: “Hey, my kids had to go to the bathroom!” *lady is not concerned at all by the fact that her she was discharging her children into traffic and potentially broke the bikers thumb*

Stunned Child: *remains stunned by the potential harm her lazy mother who let her get out of a car into traffic nearly caused to herself and a ruggedly handsome biker*

And…scene.

So there you have it, not as funny as “Bad Ideas”, more of a dark comedy, a cautionary tale about digestion, and the dangers of having lazy parents.

Sometimes life is so much like art it is impossible to tell the two apart, this is a mostly true story.

The scene: Busy traffic, line of cars at light that just turned green, cab in right hand lane, left back seat door opens to discharge a slightly fat, business type into MOVING TRAFFIC.

Actors:
biker (played by yours truly)
Business Guy (played by some fat guy)
Cab (played by a car)

Dialog:

*biker sees man exiting into MOVING traffic*

Biker: “Hey buddy that’s a bad idea!” *the biker is trying to keep the suit safe, as he is clearly insane*

Business Guy: “Your a bad idea!” *jumps across a lane of moving traffic and almost gets hit by cars*

Biker: *quickly thinks of all the mature things he could say in response, then picks none of them* “Your moms a bad idea!!!!”

And…scene.

This for real happened, for realz.