City To Install New Bike/Ped Infrastructure, Hire “Cycling Ambassadors”

Written by Boston Biker on Apr 01

Boston Bikes announced today that it will be installing new cycling and pedestrian infrastructure designed to improve bicycling safety, mostly by “slowing cycling and walking to a manageable speed”

From the cities website:

“We think cycling and walking are great ways to see our city, but have been disappointed in the high speed that pedestrians and cyclists are traveling through our city.”


Consisting of a series of “pedestrian speed bumps” and “cycling sand pits” these additions are being installed now as the snow fall we had this winter and spring made it impossible.

Standing 3 feet tall the pedestrian speed bumps must be vaulted over slowing the pedestrian considerably, while the sand pits are 4 foot by 6 foot pits of sand placed near the intersections on streets that have bike lanes.

“Our hope is the sand will slow the cyclists enough that they are no longer a danger to cars turning in the intersection.” Said one city official.

In an effort to make sure that motorists don’t feel left out the city has also hired 32 “cycling ambassadors,” highly fit cyclists in spandex to wander the streets encouraging more people to cycle.

“Basically we hang around highly trafficked areas and approach people we see getting out of cars. Then we let them know how much better for the earth and for their health cycling is, and how much nicer they would look in pants, how they could eat more chocolate and not feel guilty, how they wouldn’t have to deal with traffic, how parking is always a breeze, how much better they will feel as parents, how it helps reduce air pollution, how it can help stop wars for oil, how it encourages more efficient urban planning, how it decreases outbursts by children in school, how it helps prevent diabetes, did I mention global warming? That sort of thing. I think its working because I followed one guy around for so long yesterday that he told me he wished he had a bicycle right now so he could get away from me.”

The ambassadors will be around until mid-summer, when they will be replaced by extra meter attendants and mascots for our local sports teams.

“We are going from Bean Town to Green town” Said outgoing Mayor Menino. He then added “GREEN TOWN” speaking slowly and clearly enunciating each syllable.

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Posted in advocacy, infrastructure | 3 Comments »

3 Responses to “City To Install New Bike/Ped Infrastructure, Hire “Cycling Ambassadors””

  1. By Ben on Apr 1, 2013 | Reply

    I might’ve fallen for it if not for the last line. That’s just ridiculous.

    “He then added “GREEN TOWN” speaking slowly and clearly enunciating each syllable.”

  2. By brad4d on Apr 4, 2013 | Reply

    It can be lonely and dangerous by oneself on a bike, maybe the mayor would enjoy the kidical mass ride this Saturday. Lots of fun riding to the playground and then back home

  3. By Kil on Apr 5, 2013 | Reply

    Ha, pretty good. Enjoyed that one!!

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